Confessions of a confused mind!!!

I always thought that My blog lacked the exquisite feminine touch, so in the spirit of making it come a full circle my very dear and close friend has contributed the following post to my space. I am sure this in so many ways will relate to each one of you out there at very individual level and probably let you know that we all are going through the same thing...

An ode to her...


‘Confused’ that very word which turns our life upside down when we least expect it to. Just when you think life’s going great, its going absolutely in the right direction …boom your reverie is broken and there you are, standing on cross roads, and the world is waiting for you to take that crucial decision, which will supposedly alter your life one way or the other. Things which seemed so simple from a third person’s perspective just suddenly start seeming so unfathomable. Both the roads seem equally tempting but also you need to choose one. And not just take that road out; also be willing to shoulder the responsibility which comes with following the path. Right or Wrong? Easy or difficult? Challenging or smooth sailing?......These and many more variables keep floating in the air and there are no clear answers to the same.

Because my dear friend, the bitch part about life is that its just way too unpredictable, and there are no guarantees, and well reality most always sucks. Yeah I know skeptic in me surfaces again, but hey, what’s life if not a road full of six lanes stretches interspersed with potholes!! So well you sail through some, and through some patches you have a bumpy ride. But the deeper question here is; what do you do when both the roads seem equally balanced on the scale, which do you consider as the lesser evil. The thing is if one option is where you see an easy life with less complications, and maybe a little less exciting, and the other is full of high octane action where happiness is not a guarantee, u need to fight your way through and try and live each and every dream you had, but you may end up alone; in that case which one do you choose. Should you give up all that you always dreamt of and wanted and take the practical and sensible road out or do you gather enough courage and say that this is your life and you will live it the way you want.

Different people, different opinions, and, different ways of dealing with life. Is having the ‘What if’ question at the fag end of your life really of that much importance, is it really linked to regret. I mean you have actually completed your life, whatever there was to it, happy or sad you have lived it, and then in the last 2-3 yrs if you do reflect back and think ‘what if’, then does it really even matter. We have one life and the choices we make define us and shape our existence in this world. Good or bad the decisions we make stay with us and we have to live with them. There is no way of knowing where the choice you are making is going to take you. You just take that decision and pray to god that you don’t end up in hell yet again !!

I really envy those people picture postcard happy people, how their life seems to be bereft of any complications as such, or is it really? Or maybe even they are living under a façade of happiness, a giant marquee where everyone is pretending to be happier than the other. After all in the game of life you most definitely don’t want to end up as the biggest looser. Lets be honest, a little part in all of us wants to be the toast of the world, to be envied by all around, to be looked up at as a role model, and hey lets face it we all want to be cooler than the next living thing. So, that’s where this offspring of the devil, ‘Confusion’ comes in. Murphy’s law rules this world, the minute you would take the seemingly right path, kaboom the very next instant you wish you would taken the other one. It’s a vicious circle, I tell you, and one from which you probably never get out of, until of-course if you would have attained nirvana, and reached another level and all. But most of us have only one level, and that’s what screams – ‘hey you need to win the race of life’. And its not all centered around money, of course you want a cool paying high flying job and all, but you also in addition want a happy family life, the one Hollywood summer flicks are made of, the ones which make your heart cry out loud that – Yes! I want a family/ hubby / children like that.

Alas, reality isn’t always so sunny and bright, its more ‘American beauty’ and ‘little miss sunshine’ clubbed together than anything else. So well yeah, coming back, which is better- a glamorous high flying cool dude, or a simple hearted soul with a zest and will to live life. With one life will be glitz and yeah classy, with the other it will be less pressure and easy and fun, where you will build things together. So which ones right and which one’s wrong, no right answers there my friend. The decision of who you are going to spend the rest of your life with is a crucial one, high impact and all. So how does one decide that its time to call it quits and settle down. That this is the right one, I understand the ‘in love’ funda, but well what happens when its arranged. Do you actually know if you will ever be able to madly and passionately fall in love with that person, or will it be a matter of slowly growing fond since you are living with each other. And then is it actually fair to do this to another person. To think of it why should someone else be responsible for carrying your excess emotional baggage. He or she deserves and rightly so to be with a person who values and respects them, not with someone who is pretending to be happy with them. Ah! Well confusion again.

Why is it so scary to take the final plunge? Does life actually undergo so much change, maybe yes maybe no. Depends on which way you look at it. When we are growing up we always dream of a perfect life, a perfect wedding, a perfect husband, the perfect romance to sail us through, but then we grow up, and things are not so perfect anymore. Your list of ‘I defiantly want this in a guy /girl’ keeps reducing as the years keep adding on. You suddenly start getting that slight scary feeling that what if you do end up all alone. You feel that slight tinge of envy for people who are able to find their soulmates. You start telling yourself the merits of an arranged marriage setup, although when u were growing up, you wanted your perfect guy to come into your life sweep you off your feet and take you away. You never thought marriage is going to be objective and analytical, wherein you decide on the eligibility of a person almost as if you are shopping for them. It just doesn’t seem right to you, conflicts with your ideals and emotions, but also you know there is no other option. You feel scared that what if it never happens to you, that what if believing in your dreams lead you nowhere, and Mr. Right never turned up!!

It’s scary, but then is being scared a good enough reason to get married. Is it fair to the other person. Are you doing this because you couldn’t find anyone on your own, and given a chance this is not how you would want it to happen? But hey life is all about tough choices, we all need to go through it. So you tell yourself, grab this before this also goes, and you are left with none, but isn’t that a little selfish. Then again if you wont think of your own good then who else will. Life is like a box of chocolates, Forrest Gump said, you never know what you may end up with !! So moral of the story: go out there and take the chance, because that’s what life is all about.

P.S- dedicated to the complicated woman of today  ME !!